Croydon, Victoria, August 2025

“Relax…”

“Don’t be so hysterical!”

“You’re too emotional.”

“Why are you so sensitive?”

“Calm down!”

*

I’ve always worn my emotions on the surface, like a flashing neon second skin. No matter how firmly I try to press them back inside me, or how hard I try cover them with a sheen of aloofness or calm, they’re always there, blinding beacons for all the world to see.

Thanks to messages like those above, it’s taken a lifetime to even begin accepting that this is not a flaw, but is just… a part of who I am. Maybe even a strength that makes me the performer, and writer, and mother that I am.

My daughter is so much like me. She has big feelings for a 10-year-old. She used to have big feelings for a 9-year-old, and a… well, she’s always had big feelings. And, like me, she’s never been one to hide them.

I never want her to feel like she has to.

*

It’s mid-August, Chiara’s 10th birthday, and she struggled to decide what to do. A big party with all her friends? She worried that some of them would ruin the day, would argue or make her feel small – because sometimes, 10yo girls do that. In the end, she has settled on a special sleepover with her bestie, Lily. They’ve been thick as thieves since they were three, and they are the epitome of ‘opposites attract.’ What they do have in common is that they both feel deeply, care deeply, and absolutely adore each other. Oh, and they love Taylor Swift.

When a wide-eyed Chiara first started talking to me about Taylor Swift – an obsession that came through Lily, and that Chiara wholeheartedly embraced – I cringed and sighed and rolled my eyes internally. And possibly externally. I have an almost pathological desire to avoid anything that everyone else is into.

But resistance was futile. Chiara’s love for Taylor, and my love for Chiara, won out. Taylor was begrudgingly allowed into our home and my life. And it wasn’t long at all before I realised that while I may not be a huge fan of all of her music, I’m definitely a fan of hers.

Taylor is larger-than-life – political but goofy, angry and joyful, enthusiastic and caustic, vulnerable but confident. The one thing she isn’t, is closed-off or unemotional. In interviews, she exudes an earnestness that tightens something in my chest, because I know how vulnerable it can leave you. But instead of making herself small, she takes everything that is thrown at her and uses it in her songs, where she can be cleverly cutting and ironic, or warmly empowering and inspiring – strategies and messages that clearly resonate with young women and girls for good reason.

These are the kinds of messages and strategies that both my young woman and I could do with more of.

So! A Taylor sleepover with Lily it is. And because 10 is an important birthday, the first in double digits, I go all out. We secretly set up a full Swiftie disco in our living room, with flashing stage lights that change colour, a friendship-bracelet-making station, favourite snacks, Swiftie clothes and sunglasses to wear, and Taylor’s three-hour long Eras Tour special on the big screen.

When the girls are allowed to leave Chiara’s room, the excitement bursts out of them as they survey the set-up, their squeals and exclamations louder than the music. Before long they are throwing their bodies around the room, dancing and singing and dancing some more. When they get tired, there’s beaded bracelet making, and drinking, and eating, and then there’s more singing and more dancing.

Mostly though, there’s enormous amounts of joy and love, the feelings flashing neon on their skin, impossible to miss. Laughter so big that I tear up. Joy so huge that I’m sure their bodies couldn’t possibly contain any more of it. And when Chiara runs over to me and throws her arms around my neck, whispering, “Thank you so much, Mumma, this is the best day of my life,” I feel like our entire beings are made up of pure love.

*

Messages like those at the start of this story never made me more relaxed, less sensitive, less ‘hysterical.’ They did make me feel lesser, though. Small. And that’s something I never want my daughter to feel. Having flashing neon feelings that don’t hurt anyone else is not a flaw. If Taylor Swift’s success is any indication, maybe it’s more like a superpower.

I hope that’s something Chiara can learn much earlier than I did. If Taylor Swift disco sleepovers, or listening to her latest album on repeat in the car helps, I’m all for it.

And if someone tries to shout her down, tells her that she’s too sensitive, too emotional, too much? Well, I hope she learns from the best,and suggests that maybe – they just need to calm down.

 

Stereo Story 875

Martina Medica is a writer, linguist, mother, singer and songwriter living in the foothills of the Dandenong Ranges, Victoria. And a member of the Stereo Stories band!