Time: When I give pieces of myself
Place: With those I know
Daydream Noun; A reverie indulged in while awake
* * *
I have always been a dreamer.
Someone who escapes reality by imagining impossible scenarios or envisioning something that I wished would come true. It’s soothing to interrupt the anxiety of my conscious mind.
Getting lost in a daydream provides temporary relief, and when I need to escape reality further, I’d sleep afternoons away. Even if the dreams turned out to be nightmares. Dreaming made the emptiness I felt less demanding, but there was a hole inside of me. A hole that was created by giving too much of myself to people who gave nothing of themselves in return.
The emptiness was perpetuated by those stealing from a never-ending supply of benevolence. Until that kindness became scarce, and it needed to be preserved for those who truly deserved it.
Whenever it wasn’t possible to distract my mind by dreaming, music was my solace. I dived into the comfort of lyrics that revealed the pain of others because I shared that same pain. And although there were plenty of songs that seemed to express what I was feeling, none made a more profound impact than Daydreamer by Trophy Eyes.
Finding the words to explain how I felt eluded me, but this was something that I could scream until my lungs gave out to give the world some idea.
No one’s going to love you like you love them.
It’s not your fault,
you’re just different.
Alone and different.
The words still circle in my head as I continue to grapple with the same feelings each time my efforts aren’t reciprocated.
Could I be so different that no one would love me as I love them?
Stereo Story #571